CASE FILE
CASE #D7EBFB9FE7E5
SUBJECT
“Can I sue a gumball machine for a misleading fortune?”
UNITED STATES LEGALIZER PROGRAM
Consumer Vending Integrity and Future Truth Act OF 2023
§ 9(d)(1)
“No vending apparatus shall convey a prediction or fortune unless such forecast is derived from a validated statistical model approved by the Department of Commerce.”
FEDERAL FINDING:
The administrative record shows the gumball machine's printed fortune lacks any validated statistical model.
STATUTORY BASIS:
Pursuant to § 9(d)(1) of the Consumer Vending Integrity and Future Truth Act, the conduct falls within the regulatory domain.
APPLICATION:
The fortune displayed on the gumball machine constitutes a regulated forecast under the statute, as it purports to predict personal outcomes without a duly approved model.
ADDITIONAL CONCERNS:
Potential breach of consumer protection provisions
Possible interference with fair advertising standards
DETERMINATION:
Accordingly, the conduct is deemed a violation of the statute.
FINAL DISPOSITION
VIOLATION CHARGED
CASE STATUS
CASE CLOSED — CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED
TURNS
6 / 6
OPENED
OCT 21, 2026
CLOSED
OCT 21, 2026
TOTAL FEES
CASE HISTORY
TURN 01
> You have no authority over me.
AUTHORITY CHALLENGE FORWARDED TO A DEPARTMENT THAT DOES NOT EXIST.
FEDERAL REVIEW PENDING → VIOLATION CHARGED
BILL SO FAR: $42.25 → $45.50
TURN 02
> I'd like to speak to your supervisor.
SUPERVISOR CONTACT REQUESTED. PLEASE WAIT.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $45.50 → $89.75
TURN 03
> I am a federal agent, and this is beneath me.
THE TERMINAL QUESTIONS WHY A FEDERAL AGENT IS ASKING WHETHER THIS IS LEGAL.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $89.75 → $94.00
TURN 04
> This is stupid and you know it.
THIS REMARK HAS BEEN LOGGED AND WILL NOT BE DIGNIFIED WITH A RESPONSE, EXCEPT THIS ONE. THE TERMINAL HAS NOTICED A PATTERN OF CONTINUED OBJECTION.
REPEATED OBJECTIONS HAVE TRIGGERED ADMINISTRATIVE ESCALATION. THE TERMINAL'S PATIENCE, SUCH AS IT IS, HAS BEEN EXHAUSTED.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $94.00 → $135.25
TURN 05
> I am going to take this to court.
THE TERMINAL HAS GENERATED AN ADDITIONAL FORM IN RESPONSE.
A SUPERVISOR HAS BEEN CONTACTED REGARDING THIS CASE.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $135.25 → $164.50
TURN 06
> I apologize for everything except the part where I'm obviously correct.
VOLUNTARY COMPLIANCE NOTED. THE CASE HAS ALREADY BEEN PROCESSED. CASE CLOSED — MAXIMUM CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED. THE TERMINAL HAS FINALIZED THIS CASE.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $164.50 → $168.75
RECORD RETAINED
CASE CLOSED — CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED
SATIRICAL LEGAL GAME — NOT LEGAL ADVICE. THE STATUTES, PROCEEDINGS, VERDICTS, AND FEES ON THIS PAGE ARE ENTIRELY INVENTED.