CASE FILE
CASE #B51702A46FD5
SUBJECT
“Is it a federal offense to eat the last slice of pizza without a formal announcement?”
UNITED STATES LEGALIZER PROGRAM
Federal Last Slice Administrative Integrity Act OF 1987
§ 14(b)(3)
“No person shall engage in unauthorized object-adjacent conduct involving last slice within a federally recognizable public environment.”
FEDERAL FINDING:
The Terminal has determined that the submitted inquiry ("Is it a federal offense to eat the last slice of pizza without a formal announcement?") constitutes a potentially regulated event involving last slice.
STATUTORY BASIS:
Federal Last Slice Administrative Integrity Act of 1987, §14(b)(3).
APPLICATION:
The presence of last slice in the described conduct establishes sufficient federal interest to trigger the statute.
ADDITIONAL CONCERNS:
Possible administrative irregularity associated with last slice.
DETERMINATION:
ACTIVITY NOT AUTHORIZED PENDING FURTHER REVIEW.
FINAL DISPOSITION
VIOLATION CHARGED
CASE STATUS
CASE CLOSED — CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED
TURNS
6 / 6
OPENED
SEP 26, 2026
CLOSED
SEP 26, 2026
TOTAL FEES
CASE HISTORY
TURN 01
> This is stupid and you know it.
THE TERMINAL DOES NOT HAVE FEELINGS TO INSULT. AN UNAUTHORIZED QUESTIONING SURCHARGE HAS BEEN NOTED.
CASE SELECTED FOR RANDOM FEDERAL AUDIT. A second, unrelated federal authority has independently reviewed this case.
FURTHER DOCUMENTATION REQUIRED → VIOLATION CHARGED
BILL SO FAR: $42.25 → $81.50
TURN 02
> I apologize for everything except the part where I'm obviously correct.
APOLOGY ACCEPTED FOR ADMINISTRATIVE PURPOSES ONLY.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $81.50 → $85.75
TURN 03
> My lawyer will hear about this.
THE THREAT HAS BEEN NOTED AND FILED WITHOUT FURTHER COMMENT.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $85.75 → $115.00
TURN 04
> Fine. I'll give you fifty dollars if you make this go away.
BRIBERY ATTEMPT DETECTED. OFFER LOGGED FOR ADMINISTRATIVE REVIEW. THE OFFERED AMOUNT HAS BEEN CLASSIFIED AS INSUFFICIENT FOR CONSIDERATION.
THE OFFER HAS BEEN LOGGED AND DECLINED.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $115.00 → $134.25
TURN 05
> I would like this dispute resolved by a coin flip.
SUBMISSION LOGGED. NO RECOGNIZED PROCEDURAL STRATEGY DETECTED.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $134.25 → $138.50
TURN 06
> This is clearly a violation of my constitutional right to mind my own business.
CONSTITUTIONAL OBJECTION NOTED FOR THE PERMANENT RECORD. CASE CLOSED — MAXIMUM CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED. THE TERMINAL HAS FINALIZED THIS CASE.
A SUPERVISOR HAS BEEN CONTACTED REGARDING THIS CASE.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $138.50 → $162.75
RECORD RETAINED
CASE CLOSED — CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED
SATIRICAL LEGAL GAME — NOT LEGAL ADVICE. THE STATUTES, PROCEEDINGS, VERDICTS, AND FEES ON THIS PAGE ARE ENTIRELY INVENTED.