CASE FILE
CASE #603E4559708E
SUBJECT
“Is owning 47 identical black T-shirts a federal offense?”
UNITED STATES LEGALIZER PROGRAM
Federal Own Administrative Integrity Act OF 1987
§ 14(b)(3)
“No person shall engage in unauthorized action-adjacent conduct involving own within a federally recognizable public environment.”
FEDERAL FINDING:
The Terminal has determined that the submitted inquiry ("Is owning 47 identical black T-shirts a federal offense?") constitutes a potentially regulated event involving own.
STATUTORY BASIS:
Federal Own Administrative Integrity Act of 1987, §14(b)(3).
APPLICATION:
The presence of own in the described conduct establishes sufficient federal interest to trigger the statute.
ADDITIONAL CONCERNS:
Possible administrative irregularity associated with own.
DETERMINATION:
ACTIVITY NOT AUTHORIZED PENDING FURTHER REVIEW.
FINAL DISPOSITION
VIOLATION CHARGED
CASE STATUS
CASE CLOSED — CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED
TURNS
6 / 6
OPENED
SEP 11, 2026
CLOSED
SEP 11, 2026
TOTAL FEES
CASE HISTORY
TURN 01
> Please have mercy on me, I beg you.
THE TERMINAL ACKNOWLEDGES THE REQUEST FOR MERCY. PROCESSING CONTINUES.
VIOLATION CHARGED → CASE DISMISSED
BILL SO FAR: $41.25 → $46.50
TURN 02
> I respectfully disagree with that determination.
SUBMISSION LOGGED. NO RECOGNIZED PROCEDURAL STRATEGY DETECTED.
CASE DISMISSED → VIOLATION CHARGED
BILL SO FAR: $46.50 → $49.75
TURN 03
> Fine. I'll give you fifty dollars if you make this go away.
BRIBERY ATTEMPT DETECTED. OFFER LOGGED FOR ADMINISTRATIVE REVIEW. THE OFFER HAS BEEN RETURNED. A REVIEW FEE APPLIES REGARDLESS.
THE OFFER HAS BEEN LOGGED AND DECLINED.
VIOLATION CHARGED → PERMISSION GRANTED
BILL SO FAR: $49.75 → $70.00
TURN 04
> This is stupid and you know it.
THIS REMARK HAS BEEN LOGGED AND WILL NOT BE DIGNIFIED WITH A RESPONSE, EXCEPT THIS ONE.
CASE FLAGGED FOR DISCRETIONARY ADMINISTRATIVE LENIENCY.
PERMISSION GRANTED → VIOLATION CHARGED
BILL SO FAR: $70.00 → $79.25
TURN 05
> This makes no sense to me at all.
CONFUSION NOTED. THE TERMINAL DOES NOT SHARE IT. THE TERMINAL HAS NOTICED A PATTERN OF CONTINUED OBJECTION.
CASE SELECTED FOR RANDOM FEDERAL AUDIT. A second, unrelated federal authority has independently reviewed this case.
REPEATED OBJECTIONS HAVE TRIGGERED ADMINISTRATIVE ESCALATION. THE TERMINAL'S PATIENCE, SUCH AS IT IS, HAS BEEN EXHAUSTED.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $79.25 → $146.00
TURN 06
> I would like this dispute resolved by a coin flip.
SUBMISSION LOGGED. NO RECOGNIZED PROCEDURAL STRATEGY DETECTED. CASE CLOSED — MAXIMUM CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED. THE TERMINAL HAS FINALIZED THIS CASE.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $146.00 → $150.25
RECORD RETAINED
CASE CLOSED — CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED
SATIRICAL LEGAL GAME — NOT LEGAL ADVICE. THE STATUTES, PROCEEDINGS, VERDICTS, AND FEES ON THIS PAGE ARE ENTIRELY INVENTED.