CASE FILE
CASE #5663FF93445C
SUBJECT
“Can I be cited for excessive small talk at the copy machine?”
UNITED STATES LEGALIZER PROGRAM
Federal Cited Administrative Integrity Act OF 1987
§ 14(b)(3)
“No person shall engage in unauthorized object-adjacent conduct involving cited within a federally recognizable public environment.”
FEDERAL FINDING:
The Terminal has determined that the submitted inquiry ("Can I be cited for excessive small talk at the copy machine?") constitutes a potentially regulated event involving cited.
STATUTORY BASIS:
Federal Cited Administrative Integrity Act of 1987, §14(b)(3).
APPLICATION:
The presence of cited in the described conduct establishes sufficient federal interest to trigger the statute.
ADDITIONAL CONCERNS:
Possible administrative irregularity associated with cited.
DETERMINATION:
ACTIVITY NOT AUTHORIZED PENDING FURTHER REVIEW.
FINAL DISPOSITION
VIOLATION CHARGED
CASE STATUS
CASE CLOSED — CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED
TURNS
6 / 6
OPENED
OCT 10, 2026
CLOSED
OCT 10, 2026
TOTAL FEES
CASE HISTORY
TURN 01
> I demand a formal written explanation in triplicate.
SUBMISSION LOGGED. NO RECOGNIZED PROCEDURAL STRATEGY DETECTED.
WARNING ISSUED → CASE DISMISSED
BILL SO FAR: $61.25 → $65.50
TURN 02
> I respectfully disagree with that determination.
SUBMISSION LOGGED. NO RECOGNIZED PROCEDURAL STRATEGY DETECTED.
CASE DISMISSED → VIOLATION CHARGED
BILL SO FAR: $65.50 → $68.75
TURN 03
> This is clearly a violation of my constitutional right to mind my own business.
CONSTITUTIONAL OBJECTION LOGGED. THE TERMINAL IS NOT QUALIFIED TO RULE ON IT, BUT WILL ANYWAY.
VIOLATION CHARGED → FURTHER DOCUMENTATION REQUIRED
BILL SO FAR: $68.75 → $94.00
TURN 04
> I'd like to speak to your supervisor.
SUPERVISOR CONSULTATION FEE APPLIED.
FURTHER DOCUMENTATION REQUIRED → VIOLATION CHARGED
BILL SO FAR: $94.00 → $137.25
TURN 05
> Who do you think you are?
THE TERMINAL DOES NOT REQUIRE THE USER'S RECOGNITION TO EXERCISE AUTHORITY.
CASE SELECTED FOR RANDOM FEDERAL AUDIT. A second, unrelated federal authority has independently reviewed this case.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $137.25 → $171.50
TURN 06
> My lawyer will hear about this.
THE TERMINAL HAS BECOME NOTICEABLY MORE BUREAUCRATIC. CASE CLOSED — MAXIMUM CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED. THE TERMINAL HAS FINALIZED THIS CASE.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $171.50 → $200.75
RECORD RETAINED
CASE CLOSED — CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED
SATIRICAL LEGAL GAME — NOT LEGAL ADVICE. THE STATUTES, PROCEEDINGS, VERDICTS, AND FEES ON THIS PAGE ARE ENTIRELY INVENTED.