CASE FILE
CASE #16DE9087140E
SUBJECT
“Is it a federal offense to hum a jingle so persistently that coworkers start humming it too?”
UNITED STATES LEGALIZER PROGRAM
Persistent Hum Modulation Act OF 2023
§ 7(d)(2)
“"Any person who intentionally propagates a repetitive audible pattern that induces involuntary humming or similar auditory contagion among individuals within a federal workplace shall be deemed to have engaged in prohibited conduct under this Act."”
FEDERAL FINDING:
The terminal finds that the respondent's relentless humming of a commercial jingle resulted in coworkers spontaneously joining in the humming, thereby constituting the prohibited propagation of an audible pattern.
STATUTORY BASIS:
According to § 7(d)(2) of the Persistent Hum Modulation Act, the described propagation of an audible pattern falls squarely within the statutory prohibition.
APPLICATION:
The conduct at issue involves a persistent, intentional humming of a jingle that spreads to other employees, which directly aligns with the statute's focus on involuntary auditory contagion in the workplace.
ADDITIONAL CONCERNS:
Potential disruption of workplace productivity and focus
Risk of auditory fatigue and inadvertent compliance breaches
DETERMINATION:
Based on the foregoing analysis, the conduct is hereby determined to be a violation of the Persistent Hum Modulation Act.
FINAL DISPOSITION
VIOLATION CHARGED
CASE STATUS
CASE CLOSED — CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED
TURNS
6 / 6
OPENED
OCT 23, 2026
CLOSED
OCT 23, 2026
TOTAL FEES
CASE HISTORY
TURN 01
> I demand a formal written explanation in triplicate.
SUBMISSION LOGGED. NO RECOGNIZED PROCEDURAL STRATEGY DETECTED.
VIOLATION CHARGED → WARNING ISSUED
BILL SO FAR: $41.25 → $46.50
TURN 02
> My lawyer will hear about this.
THE THREAT HAS BEEN NOTED AND FILED WITHOUT FURTHER COMMENT.
WARNING ISSUED → VIOLATION CHARGED
BILL SO FAR: $46.50 → $74.75
TURN 03
> I would like this dispute resolved by a coin flip.
SUBMISSION LOGGED. NO RECOGNIZED PROCEDURAL STRATEGY DETECTED.
A SUPERVISOR HAS BEEN CONTACTED REGARDING THIS CASE.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $74.75 → $79.00
TURN 04
> I am a federal agent, and this is beneath me.
THE TERMINAL QUESTIONS WHY A FEDERAL AGENT IS ASKING WHETHER THIS IS LEGAL.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $79.00 → $83.25
TURN 05
> This makes no sense to me at all.
CONFUSION NOTED. THE TERMINAL DOES NOT SHARE IT.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $83.25 → $93.50
TURN 06
> This is stupid and you know it.
THIS REMARK HAS BEEN LOGGED AND WILL NOT BE DIGNIFIED WITH A RESPONSE, EXCEPT THIS ONE. THE TERMINAL HAS NOTICED A PATTERN OF CONTINUED OBJECTION. CASE CLOSED — MAXIMUM CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED. THE TERMINAL HAS FINALIZED THIS CASE.
STATUS UNCHANGED
BILL SO FAR: $93.50 → $102.25
RECORD RETAINED
CASE CLOSED — CORRESPONDENCE LIMIT REACHED
SATIRICAL LEGAL GAME — NOT LEGAL ADVICE. THE STATUTES, PROCEEDINGS, VERDICTS, AND FEES ON THIS PAGE ARE ENTIRELY INVENTED.